![]() Somehow, we are conditioned to just expect that our desire will always be plentiful and that sex will always be easy. You know, I think people are always surprised when they finally start to understand that desire for sex can be affected by many different things. I'm just looking for some outside (and safely anonymous) perspective and maybe some guidance. Well, hopefully this post isn't a tl dr and is coherent and detailed enough for people to get what I'm saying. For that reason, I want to address my sex life now and not put it off until the weight/health issues are being managed. The thing is, because of my depression issues, I think it could take a couple years before I'm a healthy and fit person, and that's if I work hard at it all the time and experience no setbacks. Lastly, we're both aware of the need to become more healthy and fit, and I'm sure it would make a marked difference in our sex life. How can I broach this topic with him without "picking a fight," and how much should I be changing the take:give ratio? Honestly I can be very sensitive, defensive, and illogical at times, so I want to see what people think. If I start doing sex like a chore just to "train" my libido, won't he continue with his same patterns, and won't I start to resent him? But I DO feel insecure and unattractive and want my husband to pay physical attention to me without sex being right around the corner. Granted, I can't get myself to go exercise so I'm not positive. If all I need to do to increase my libido is to "train" it by setting reminders and getting my lazy butt up and initiating sex, I might be able to do it. He thinks something is wrong with my libido and that I am trying to blame him for that. I think he may be sensitive and even when I try to broach this gently it goes the wrong way. It's difficult for me to ask him to do more romantic things and take an interest in me even when sex isn't on his mind, because somehow I always botch it and he thinks I'm trying to fight, or says I'm "yelling" at him, and it never goes anywhere. He gets involved in his solo hobbies during our free time together, so we don't connect much, especially not physically. I do it to him because I think it's fun, but for whatever reason he does not do this to me and never really has. I noticed that often suggestions are made to "frustrated chumps" to make sure they do some non-sex-expecting touching and flirting to keep sexual tension up, and my husband does not do this. When he tries to be on top, it usually fails (his position keeps slipping and he starts to lay on me rather than just being over me) so we have to switch back to the usual position, so now I think he's insecure about branching out. This makes me feel a little bitter and jealous that he always gets to "lay back and take it," which I want to be able to do sometimes. We're both overweight, and possibly due to his weight and fitness level, we only ever have sex with me on top. probably concepts from how I was raised to think and previous, unhappy relationships.) (This is a new concept to me because until very recently I felt his sexual demands were unreasonable and selfish. Personally, I'm satisfied with our frequency of sex, but I'm not happy that he's unsatisfied, unhappy, and feeling unwanted. I want to pick up the sex and want to want it more-I don't want to have to set a reminder to initiate sex just because, unless there's some merit to that strategy. My husband is unhappy with the infrequent sex, specifically to the fact that he has to practically beg for it and wait and wait until I want it enough to say yes. ![]() My libido is quite low, but has never been NOT low, not even in past relationships or on my own. We both almost always reach orgasm, and I personally find sex consistently satisfying. We have sex roughly once a month, have probably never gone more than 2 months without, and occasionally manage 2-3 times in a month. I don't know how to briefly set this up, but I'm going to try. I'm posting because after a lot of browsing and searching I haven't found something quite like my situation, so hope to get some input from you guys.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |